On Harry Potter

So first and foremost, I would like to apologize for letting my nerd show (despite the fact that I'm not all that obsessed with Harry Potter).

And second, I'd like to credit this video for inspiring me to think about, and then write this post.

So, I've been thinking about the Harry Potter universe. Despite all the glaring problems with it, including the time-turner which could have solved everything and not put hundreds of children at risk of death, there's one I have the biggest problem with.

Slytherin.

The "evil" house of Hogwarts is... in fact... just that. There is not a single student who comes out of Slytherin who is a good person. Not one. Go on, think about it, out of all the character introduced throughout the series, name one who was a Slytherin and turned out to be a good guy. You can't? Damn straight you can't. There's not a single fucking one, not one.

And don't say Severus Snape. That's bullshit. I'll explain.

What are the values of the Gryffindor (Good Guys) House? Courage, bravery, loyalty, nerve and chivalry. Snape spent his entire life protecting the memory of the woman he loved, (successfully) infiltrated the camp of the most evil wizard to ever live ever, and did it all to what, sacrifice himself for Harry despite his hatred towards him. If that does not personify every damn virtue in that list I don't know what does.

The fact is, it would have been easier to simply say "Hey look, all the bad guys who are alive are currently huddled defenseless in a specific wing of the castle. Lets fucking kill them." All problems solved. No Voldemort. No Malfoy. No fucking annoying sub-villains who no one cares about.

Moreover, why the hell are they the bad guys anyway? What do they value? Ambition, cunning, leadership and resourcefulness. I mean, fuck, those are all fantastic qualities. In fact, I'd take those over some stupid chivalrous brave fucker any day. Look at resourcefulness: the ability to make shit up on the spot and have it work despite lacking proper tools. That's awesome. You can be as brave as you want, but if you're not smart you're dead.

But really, when you look at it, the bad guys shouldn't have been Slytherin, it should have been fucking Hufflepuff.

I know, I know. How in the world could that make any sense. Those guys are the lamest people on the planet. The only decently good thing they did throughout the entire series was come up with Cedric Diggory, and he died and came back as a sparkly gay vampire.

However, in the first book, when naming off the houses, the sorting hat says something to the extent that Hufflepuff just takes whoever the other houses don't want. Which means all those kids weren't brave enough for Gryffindor, weren't smart enough for Ravenclaw and weren't ambitious enough for Slytherin. They were the absolute losers of Hogwarts. They were the kids that got picked on just because they weren't good enough, and if school shootings have taught us anything, it's that those kids are the dangerous ones, fuck the ones that are actually good at something.

The fact is, Hufflepuff is full of shunned, kicked-around, homicidal teenagers... WHO CAN USE MAGIC. can't forget that. The fact that there wasn't one Hufflepuff who said "Fuck this, you're all dead" and started killing everyone in his class is just amazing. (I would also like to remind everyone that as of right now i do not condone the use of violence to solve one's problems... unless you're an action hero, in which case, go ahead.)

So yea, if the magical wizarding world of Harry Potter were to every exist, I wouldn't worry about those snake kids, i'd worry about the ones with the badgers on their coats (Yes, they're mascot is a badger, as opposed to a snake or raven or griffin. Just adding fuel to the fire).